The light in our home office would stay on till almost 2am most nights.
I can still see the glow from the office light as I would often work from the bedroom or the kitchen table. Sway would be in the office on Zoom sessions with her other coaching clients and I would reserve my evenings for reading and/or attending training webinars.
We would work from different sides of the house in order to not disturb one another. Even though we both enjoyed the drive of grinding and growing our businesses — it was never our intention to start living like roommates.
We both wanted to see the business flourish as we would serve more people and have greater positive impact on marriages. Not to mention we wanted more energy and time as we desired to grow a family of our own.
Often for ‘date night’ we would drive up the hill to a popular creole restaurant and relax while enjoying gumbo and calamari.
At that time in our marriage, we were always tired and our so-called date nights felt more like business debrief meetings.
The business was hijacking the intimacy from our marriage!
It was truly subtle and hard to detect at first.
As the weeks become months and the months turned into years, we knew something had to change and fast!
This is why I swerve my focus when I hear a ‘pop-up entrepreneur’ and self proclaimed guru exclaim such phrases like ‘sleep when you’re dead’ and ‘your family will understand once your business takes off and serious money starts rolling in.’
These are all lies!
I really don’t think those influencers get it.
Sway and I somehow knew that we couldn’t buy into this social media-fueled ethos of entrepreneurship. We knew that we didn’t want to scale our business to the point of sacrificing the health of our marriage.
We also knew that there had to be another way to attract the right kind of clients that we desired to work with. That’s when we came up with a plan to grow the business while keeping the bedroom and the office in their proper perspectives.
We started setting times for date nights and even went so far as to put on our schedules (google calendar…lol.)
The calendar by itself was an Epic fail. That hardly worked because we had nothing to actually hold us accountable.
Here’s how we started turning the corner in our marriage and keeping work in its proper place.
- We had to hold each other accountable to our commitments and schedules.
- We stopped bringing work to the bedroom. That meant no laptops, tablets or the like.
- We kept our calendars deliberately light on date days in order to preserve our energy.
- We ended work earlier on date days and implemented systems for automating mundane tasks.
- We debriefed at the end of each day to close any open loops on unresolved business matters.
It took time and practice to solidify these new habits. This structure continues to make things so much easier for us today.
Also, we’ve been blessed to hire a virtual assistant which allows us to free our time and add room on our plates. We now have boundaries between our offices and bedroom.
Oh yeah, our time together has since been more meaningful and dinners taste even better!!
If you are needing direction on putting systems together for your marriage, check out our free training over at The5PillarProcess.com