Most of us assume we’re good listeners.
How many of those who truly know us would actually agree?
The reality is, most of us are NOT good listeners.
Before you stop reading-being a really good listener is really hard!
I think we make assumptions about being good listeners on the basis that we can hear. However, hearing is necessarily “good listening.”
Likewise, sometimes we make assumptions on the basis that we can reiterate what the person said as though that’s ‘good listening.’
This is where too many married entrepreneurs find friction in their marriage. Listen, just because you can restate something your spouse just said doesn’t mean that ‘get what they meant.’
I won’t go into all the nuances of good listening-there are too many to cover. I actually want you to finish reading this blog.
I’ll simply say that at the core of good listening is a deep respect for the other person along with a zeal to learn about their feelings at the moment.
Respect and zeal kinda sound like an odd duo, huh?
Truth is respect and a zeal to understand someone’s perspective are the drivers for active listening. Active listening is when we give attention to both the verbal and the non-verbal communication cues.
It’s amazing how our business and marriage have positively transformed over the years as we’ve practiced respect and zeal for understanding one another when talking through challenges.
Here are three core principles for active listening and more peaceful communication:
- DON’T ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO SAY
This is a dangerous habit that often manifests itself by a lack of eye
contact and subtle gestures of seeming annoyed by your spouse as
they’re expressing themselves.
- LISTEN WITH YOUR BODY AND NOT JUST YOUR EARS
When we engage our whole body in the listening process it conveys to our spouse that how you think and feel are important to me. Also, it helps us (the listener) to respond more accurately and
Not lose credibility that often accompanies assumptions.
- DON’T STUDY THEIR WORDS TO PREPARE A DEFENSE
Some premeditated responses can make us appear defensive and
Childish. Poor listeners are usually preloading a response in the
Chamber in order to sound clever and trip up the other person.
Because premeditated responses are usually hinged on assumptions
They usually send the conversation in a completely different direction.
In short, all healthy communication stems out of respect. The cool thing about respect is it doesn’t need both of you to agree on your talking points just your talking premise.
Just some hard-earned lessons we’ve learned over the years…;-)
Hope this helps!
If you two would know it’s time take the cap off of your potential, scale your business to the next level and enjoy the journey together… JUMP INTO our FREE assessment call with Sway and I. We’ll help you uncover quick tips to position you two for success in both marriage and business!