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3 Ways Being Defensive is Hurting Your Marriage & Business

Before you read this, determine right now to honestly consider if this how you feel about your spouse and marriage right now.

Everything becomes clear when we remove our pride.

Does your spouse ever say that you’re too touchy or easily angered?

One things is true, any one of us can have a bad day.  But I’m not talking simply overreacting from having a bad day.

As married entrepreneurs we often feel like by expressing every disagreement or feeling of pushback from our spouse-it will slow the momentum in the business.  Or worse, open up conversation we’re either don’t the energy to have or tired of rehashing the same issue.

Where does this feeling of defensiveness come from?

Ultimately, by not talking issue through to the point of a resolve we’re breeding resentment.  And yes, resentment is sneaky culprit behind why you or your spouse is responding defensively.

If I had to sum it up to one thing it would be feeling rejected an unaffirmed.   

Rejection and a lack of affirmation causes us crave praise to the extent that no one can correct or even help us without feeling undermined or challenged.

Here are three direct ways this hurts your marriage and business:

  1. Being defensive creates a “yes man or yes ma’am” culture in your marriage and business.  No one even offers a suggestion or helpful critique for fear of backlash. Being defensive chokes out bright ideas and negatively affects the quality of the marriage and business.
  2. Being defensive kills collaboration within the team and family. This is the quickest way for both of you to feel isolated and alone.  Whenever married entrepreneurs feel isolated productivity diminishes and the vision suffers.
  3. Being defensive makes us feel justified in our knee-jerk reactions.  Eventually, our spouses will explode from holding in those emotions of not feeling safe. Also, they might end of finding comfort in unhealthy ways.

I’ve found that by pulling down the wall of pride and confessing it to my wife that it opens the door for healthy dialogue. In our free training for married entrepreneurs, we’ve shared simple exercises that transform how you two relate to each other.  Peace can always be achieved when we commit to understanding the other person.  This requires more than hope, it requires skill. Practice it daily for optimum results.


In our free training for marriedpreneurs, we teach the importance of the VISION as it pertains to an entrepreneurial couple.